post christmas RA stuff

since I was diagnosed with RA, there are days when it seems like I am in denial.  take the holidays for instance.  I love to cook and during the holidays is when I cook the most.  so i slaved away in the kitchen on the 24th and the 25th...i was on my feet so much so by the evening of the 25th, i was exhausted and stayed in bed until almost 10 am the next day.  sometimes, i refuse to believe that my body can no longer keep up with the things that i want to do.  i am 33 years old and should be at the prime of my life, and yet most days, even getting out of bed can be extremely difficult.

i wish i didn't have to complain.  i didn't realize how difficult days would be.  i am thankful that my husband understands what i go thru, but i know that there are some days when he wonders if i really feel what i feel or if im just being lazy.  =(  it's hard because i look so normal, and yet inside me, my body is betraying me. 

i woke up at 5 am today, lying in bed with both arms over my head, it took me a good 30 minutes to figure out how i would be able to put both arms down to my side without asking my husband for assistance.  i had to force my left arm down and tried to figure out how to move the right.  after all of that was sorted out, i had to slowly get up from bed and use the restroom.  the things i used to take for granted  thankfully i was able to go back to sleep.

now im spending a good portion of my morning putting hot compress all over my joints.  im trying out exercises to increase my range of motion. 

we have an upcoming trip in april...and im trying to figure out how i can walk about the cities we're visiting without over exerting myself.  i also bought new skis over the summer that i was hoping i could use this winter...now i wonder when i'll be able to use them.

im reaching out to my friend's cousin whose RA is now in remission.  i want to know what she went thru, what helped her, how she overcame all the challenges and what lead to the remission.  i know it's only been a few months since i was diagnosed, but i can't imagine living like this for many years.  i am scared of the things i wont be able to do....im scared  that the damage will be permanent.  i scared of the many unknowns that comes with this but I am confident that the Lord will see me through this.  he's blessed me with a family whose support i can lean on.