23 weeks 05/19/06

i am 23 weeks pregnant today. a better day than yesterday.

yesterday i felt so heavy, and tired. i am having one of those infamous pregnancy mood swings also and was in no mood to talk to anyone. *sigh* the ups and downs of pregnancy. i was so upset last nite that i told paul i don't want to go through this feeling again, and he said he was fine with it (i wonder if he meant what he said). i wont know for sure until after i give birth if this is it for me. i know it will all be worth it in the end.

i weighed myself this morning and gasped at what i saw! (no, i wont mention how much i weigh). crazy crazy crazy. paul says i shouldn't worry that im gaining a lot of weight. he said, (and these were his very words)...."there will be at least one person who still thinks you're sexy no matter how big you get. that would be me!" i laughed...i hope he's serious! haha. i think he's trying to be "the supportive husband of a pregnant woman". whether he's being honest or not, it made me feel better. (thanks bebe!) with paul being so far away, it's hard for both of us to really understand and express how we both feel during the pregnancy.

the doctor gave me the letter to send to the embassy in manila to hopefully speed up the process so paul can move here asap. i am blessed to have my friends and my parents and family who have been supportive throughout my pregnancy.

chel sent me this article she read about dealing with pregnant women and she asked me if there are things that annoy me when people say something about my pregnancy or their own pregnancy stories. one of the things i don't like is when they TELL ME how long i should breastfeed my child. "breastmilk is best for baby!" they always say. my mom breastfed me for a week and i don't think i turned out too bad. i will breastfeed mj definitely, how long, that's for me to decide. i don't like to hear, "you should breastfeed for as long as you can, blah blah blah blah blah" it's my baby, my breast! (i know i sound mean!) but people! lay off on the advice unless specifically asked. every pregnancy is different, every mother is different. if i breastfeed my baby any less than they did, that doesn't mean they love their babies more than i love mine.

it annoyed me for a while, that everyone was trying to guess the sex of the baby by the shape of my belly and the way i looked. it was funny at first, but then when you see these people every week, and they tell you what they think each time they see you, it starts to get old. though i had a feeling they were right, i was hoping we'd all be wrong just so they wont do the same thing to the next pregnant woman they meet or see. but it turned out they were right and you can just tell by the smug look on their faces that they were proud of themselves. hahaha...i sound so mean, im sorry!

enough ranting...im sure there will be more to come in the next several weeks =)

i'm taking monday off again to just sleep in and rest. i still have so much vacation time that i need to use before i have the baby. i don't know where to go to take a vacation, no budget for a long vacation, and no one to go with. paul and i were hoping we will have the chance to go somewhere before the baby's born but i'll be too big to travel by the time he gets here. so all the big plans have to be postponed yet again.