my precious

i was singing to the Lord last night and was praising and worshiping Him when He revealed something to me...

i've always complained about how difficult pregnancy is and how i don't want to go through it again. but the Lord said to me that He made pregnancy difficult for women to appreciate how precious is the life that they carry in their womb. the Lord said, 'had I not made it painful and difficult, you would not have taken such precaution to protect what you have now. you would have taken for granted the life that you carry. because I made pregnancy difficult, you will realize that the your baby's life is so precious that you will do whatever it takes to protect her life not only while she's in your womb, but throughout her life.'

i praise God for His revelation...we tend to appreciate things better if we labored to achieve it. we are more careful to spend our hard earned money versus if it were just given to us. we appreciate a good test score when we studied hard to achieve the grade. all the more with the life that continue to grows inside of me. when the time comes and i see her and hold her in my arms for the first time, i will realize that all the pain and difficulty that i went through was worth it, for my husband and i have been blessed with our precious little daughter.

28 weeks tomorrow

tomorrow, mj will be 28 weeks. her eyes are fully formed and she has eyelashes now. she can open and close her eyes too. she should be 15 inches long and weigh about 2.5lbs. mommy's weight should continue to climb from now on (yikes!). mj has a 95% chance of surviving if she's born now---but she wont...she will stay inside her mommy until she's due. =) she will wait for her daddy to arrive.

mj's baby bag should arrive today, too! weeee!!! im excited! i hope i don't get disappointed with the bag. =)

i may have a florist for the wedding...my friend, etey, has responded to my email and he told me that jie (his girlfriend, owner of the shop) and oszie may are in touch and discussing the flowers for the wedding. yey! 1 more thing to scratch off my list. =)

chel and i were working on the template for the baby shower invitation. excited narin ako mag baby shower. =) i actually like the planning and everything. i should go into event planning but i'm to chicken to try a new career.

the wedding bug

i was bit by the wedding bug again. there's only 6 months left before the big day and there are still several details that we need to work on. im stressing a little bit.

it should be that by this time, we're all in the philippines preparing for the june 24 wedding. but my baby mj decided that she was to arrive in september and that mommy and daddy should put aside their church wedding plans and plan for her arrival instead. =) she'll be here soon and so along with with the baby plans, we are planning for the january wedding. talk about stress and time management! but we are happy that we will have little mj with us to complete our family. =)

some of the things we still need for the wedding are: flowers for the ceremony and bouquets for the ladies; gowns for bridesmaids; hair and make up stylist; wedding souvenirs; place for the rehearsal dinner; barong for paul

i am desperate to get the flowers over with. i don't know if i should go to the big name/expensive florists or settle for a local florist in cavite. i know someone who owns a flowershop...but i have my doubts about their flowers. i was told that the girlfriend of my old friend from high school owns a flowershop as well. but my friend hasn't returned my messages (maybe he hasn't gone online(?)). maybe i'll post a bulletin on friendster and see who will be helpful and respond to what i post.

gowns. the ladies in the philippines will have their gowns made there and ladies from here will buy from here. [mga barubs, we need to find someone who will make your gowns na!] i hope we accomplish this by october. i know it's several months from now, but the less i have to think about, the better. (note to self: order swatches on friday). i've already picked the potential dress for the my friends here in the states. it's now just a matter of scheduling appointments with the bridal shops and getting them at the best price possible. =)

hair and make up: i don't want to spend too much money on this because...maganda na ako! hahaha! kidding aside, (yes, i'm kidding!)...i've asked my cousin for his recommendations but he hasn't said anything to me yet. i just want someone's skill...im perfectly happy with the make up that i use, i just don't want to put make up on myself that day...i don't trust myself that much (pang everyday lang ako) plus, it's my wedding...i want to be pampered. =) i can't fix my hair so i really need a professional to do that for me. any recommendations? my budget for my own hair and make up is P5,000. does paul need make up for the wedding? hmmmm i wonder how he feels about that? hehe

souvenirs: i have to ask my sister in law to go to divisoria and canvas the best price for the souvenirs we have picked. =)

rehearsal dinner: my friend jeshan said that they went to a good chinese place in malate (has to be in manila so it's close to the pan pacific)....i hope they can email me a copy of the menu soon. =)

barong: paul has to take care of this. i don't know if he wants to start looking now or if he wants to buy his barong in january. i suggest he should start looking now, but knowing my husband, this is the least of his priorities. =)

there are so many other details that need to be decided on. so many little things that need to be purchased. i think we're going to skip the wedding planner and spend the money on other things for the wedding. we'll have to ask friends and relatives to help us to make sure everything's going smoothly. =)

the lake house

on saturday, lai, chel, t, and i went to see the lake house, the new movie starring sandra bullock and keanu reaves. it's a story of 2 people who live in a glass lake house 2 years apart and yet find a way to communicate with each other through a 'magical' mailbox right in front of their house.

the movie had a slow start...i don't want to give too much of it away and i'm too lazy to actually write a movie review. it picked up towards the middle and became more interesting. sweet love story about love.

will not watch it again though. hehe the movie left all four of us confused. and i think we all wont watch it again. maybe we will when it comes on tv. =)

new favorite song

Free by Shawn McDonald

I feel like the weight of the world is all - crashing down on me
And some how I just don’t believe this how - it is suppose to be
And all this expectation on - the way I’m suppose to live
Becomes my minds distraction - with nothing left to give

You said your burden is light and your load - is no more
You said your ways are right and in you I will soar

I want to be free - free to dance and free to sing
Free to live and love and free, oh
Free to be me

I feel like my heart is being beat - down into the ground
In you I’m longing for some peace - to be found
I know the heaviness that’s - making me cold
Is stealing my youthful soul and - making me old

You said your burden is light and your load - is no more
You said your ways are right and in you I will soar

I want to be free - free to dance and free to sing
Free to live and love and free, oh
Free to be me

this is my new favorite song. click on the link and visit shawn mcdonald's page and listen to his song 'Free'. it has a catchy beat to it and it is rising on the Christian charts. very uplifting...some of us may be going through a difficult or painful time. i hope that this song may inspire you to trust in the Lord, for He said in Matthew 11:28-30 'Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke fits perfectly, and the burden I give you is light.'

God's yoke fits us perfectly and it allows us to move and follow Him without pain or burden. It is only when we resist following His ways that it becomes difficult for us. But we should trust in the Lord that He will never lead us to harm. For His plans for us is prosperity, a good life and a good future. His is the perfect will for us, let us all learn to trust and obey the Lord Jesus Christ.

i want to be free. free to dance and free to sing. free to live and learn and free to be me. all these i find in Jesus.

another lazy day

i didn't seem to have accomplished much today. i got home from work and decided i should squeeze in some prenatal yoga to help me with my back problems. i did that for about an hour and then updated mj's baby book.
i did a little bit of dusting around my room and then just sat infront of the computer trying to google my blog. i can't google my blog!!! it doesn't show up! i never thought about googling my blog until lai said if you google "the random one" her blog is the first to appear on google. no matter what i tried, my blog never seems to pop up. and then i realized maybe my blog hasn't been getting as much hits as lai's blog and so google deemed my blog insignificant. hmmf! hehe

flipping through the channels, i chanced upon dateline nbc's interview with britney spears. she's due the same month i am, september. she's lost her collar bone too!!! her face is plump and her breasts are huge!!! hurray!!!! i am not alone!!!!! haha! i was feeling bad and sorry for myself as i remember photographs of angelina jolie in all her pregnant glory. i was asking myself, 'is that what pregnancy should look like?' angelina didn't look like she was pregnant except for her belly sticking out! and now, look at britney! a woman who looks pregnant and is pregnant! now i have a reason to feel 'not so bad' about my body. =)

as shallow as all of that sounds, it is not. women who have never been pregnant will find it difficult to understand the emotional ride that is pregnancy. but i'm hanging in there and will try to enjoy the next few weeks of pregnancy. =)

going on 27 weeks

this friday will be the start of my 3rd trimester which means, in a several weeks, baby mj will say hello to the world.

i have noticed more changes in my body. my belly definitely feels heavier. mj should be about 13 to 14 inches from head to toe and over 2 lbs now plus all the other fluids that i carry along with her. i will have about 50% more blood circulating in my system...my breasts are heavier too in preparation for breastmilk. my lower back gets tired more easily and it's harder to sleep. i woke up several times last nite just trying to change positions. pelvic/pubic bone is sore, too, because of all the weight that rests on top of it.

mj's developing her sense of hearing and her retina's beginning to form. this means she is able to hear the world outside the womb. sounds are muffled but she can still hear them. she will also be responding to light. i scheduled my 3D ultrasound for july 14 at 5:30 pm. i'm excited to see how mj looks like and take advantage of the technology. paul wouldn't be here for the ultrasound, but i will send him pictures of baby mj. i can bring up to 7 friends and family with me to the ultrasound. the session is about $115 which insurance wouldn't cover (of course!). i scheduled the appointment but i'm still not 100% sure that i'll go. if i change my mind, i'll cancel the appointment.

in about 3 weeks, we will go to ikea to buy the crib and the cabinet. i want to start fixing our room and make it as comfortable as possible. i called the kate spade store in downtown sf to check if they have the 'grand street mandy' baby bag that's on sale and i was told they didn't have it. the palo alto store has it but with the gas and time that i'll spend driving down to palo alto, i would have spent more than the shipping cost so i bought it online.

grand street mandy baby bag
grand street intersects new york's bustling soho, little italy, and chinatown neighborhoods giving the street a unique urban charm. this inspired the form, function, and style apparent in this group. the mandy is a rectangular messenger bag featuring one zippered interior pocket, two slide pockets, and an oversized changing pad. sleek nylon with smooth cowhide leather trim and a wipeable signature larabee dot lining.

to lift up my spirits...

since today was one of them 'not so good' days, i decided to update my baby registry on target. i was thinking it was more practical to register at target instead of babies r us since there are more target stores than babies r us in our area. go to www.target.com under target baby registry, either under my married name or paul's.

i can't wait to start decorating mj's area of our room. she wont have her own room yet. maybe when she's almost a year old. we're gonna get her crib and cabinet from ikea. im going to stick with the basic white crib and then add a splash of color with the sheets, pillows, etc. i really like the crib because it grows with the baby. it can be converted to a bed for when she's old enough to sleep without the side panels and the height of the cribs 'floor' can be adjusted as well.

paul's really busy at work. it was supposed to be a long weekend because of independence day (june 12) but he went to work saturday and monday. i wonder if their american counterparts work as hard as they do. i wonder how many american engineers employed by intel are willing to go to work on weekends, or long weekends. right now, i'm ok with this set up. but once he moves here, weekends will be family time. a few exceptions can be made of course, but i want us to spend quality time together as a family. family has to come first.

pregnancy woes

as much as i love my baby mj...being pregnant is nothing to rave about. everything i do is just 10x harder. getting out of the car, driving, going up the stairs, changing clothes, putting on socks, even getting out of bed is difficult. i am now 26 weeks pregnant and i still have more or less 14 weeks to go. what's harder is that my husband isn't here to be with me throughout all this. *sigh* when he does get here, i'm going to ask him to make up for lost time...he'll go with me to every errand, or run the errand himself; buy me whatever food i feel like eating; basically just be at my beck and call.

travelling at the speed of...jets

i took a day trip to pasadena today with my boss to visit a client of ours. we flew from oakland via southwest to lax. 'twas a very short trip. it never ceases to amaze me how much aviation has changed our lives. the 6 hour drive to l.a.has been reduced to 1 hour flying time. and flying via southwest always feel like you're just taking the bus somewhere. no assigned seating, you just stand in line to board your plane and then it's first-dibs at window seats after that. i also noticed how high their seats were...i sat and my feet were dangling about two inches off the floor. either that or im just too short. =)

when we landed at lax, there was no sunshine to welcome us. it was grey and smoggy in l.a. traffic was bad even at 12 noon. i don't think i want to live in l.a. traffic's bad, there's the smog...makes me appreciate san francisco even more. weather's always mild. we get really hot days throughout the year and although san francisco's known for being foggy, we have more good days than bad. if we really want sunshine, a 30 min drive to the north, south, or the east and we get the sunshine we want.

we ate at a mexican restaurant, really simple..nothing fancy. we could have eaten at a fancier place but since jevon and i were unfamiliar with the area, we ate at the first restaurant we saw. after i saw all the other restaurants around our client's office, i started to wish i hadn't seen the mexican restaurant. we could have eaten at houston's or mccormick and schmick's. oh well! too late! we were already full from the mexican buffett.

the client meeting was quick - only about an hour and then we were off to lax. we caught the 430 flight back to oakland instead of the 630 flight. again there was traffic on our way back to the airport. it's weird how the los angeles area has bad traffic and yet they have high speed car chases every month. makes me wonder if those drivers time their lunacy in order to try to avoid the rush-hour traffic on 'the 405'.

i was home by 645. short trip. no biggie. i wish i had more to share whenever we go on client visits. but they talked more about 'the business' and all i can really talk about was operations and there's not a lot of issues there. i like going on client visits because it makes working with them more personal and gives me a chance to grow and interact with other people in the business. makes me feel 'all grown up' somehow.

stuck between a rock and a hard place

i've always been meaning to write this down...for me, the message is realy powerful that's why i have not forgotten it even though it's been more than a year since i learned the lesson.

everyone's familiar with the story of moses parting the read see and fleeing from the egyptians. as i try to remember this biblical story, it is the image of a younger charlton heston with his red robe and staff in hand standing on a mountain that i remember. this story does not only show God's love for His people, the Israelites, but it also reminds us of God's unlimited power and His unconditional love for His people.

when we are stuck between a rock and a hard place and find ourselves with no where to go, no where to run, this is the best time to drop down on our knees and pray for a miracle. God's response to our prayers requires our total obedience to His will. the "way out" that God has prepared for us may seem impossible...He may very well tell us to part our own personal Red Sea. this may seem impossible, but remember, that all God told Moses was to stretch forth his staff and it will be God that will part the sea for Israel. had moses questioned God's power, had he said, "you're asking me to do what? that's impossible!", the egyptians would have caught up with them. maybe God's asking you to lift and stretch forth your hands in obedience to Him. He will part the Red Sea for you, whatever your Red Sea may be today---wether it be financial problems, heart aches, sickness, or anything else that hinders us from joy and prosperity. we may find ourselves facing these very problems (our Red Sea) and even more problems looming behind us (the Egyptians), but God promises a way for us to escape, better yet, a solution. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. His love for Israel is the same love He has for each of us. all He asks us to do is put our faith in Him and obey just like Moses did.

too much food

i guess it's really me with the problem and not the overflow of delicious treats before me...

i started my day with pandesal...3 pieces, 'they're small' was my excuse plus the fact that i ran out of the wheat bread i typically eat for breakfast. breakfast was pandesal which chicken salad (chicken sandwich po! para sa mga pinoy). then chel gave me pieces of sweet breakfast muffins when we got to work (chel's my 'drug pusher')...they were delicious...didn't eat too much since i'm preparing for today's free lunch of mediterranean food. then, terri handed me a brownie she made herself...really, really small, but delicious. doesn't take a genius to know where all the delicious goodness of brownies come from---butter and sugar! bad bad mimie!

lunch today will be a spread of these woderful delights:
Chicken Cilicia (cinnamon spiced chicken fillo pastry)
Grecian Spinach and Feta Fillo
Levant Sandwiches (sandwiches rolled with cream cheese, herbs and fresh veggies)
Dolma (Stuffed grape leaves)
Chicken Pomegranate
Lebanese Kibbeh (Lamb dish)
Hummos
Baba Ghanoush (Eggplant garlic dip)
Tabuleh (wheat, parsley and tomato salad)
Armenian Potato Salad

La Mediterranee

time written--> 9:55 am---while mediterranean food is known generally for being light and healthy, i'm still a bit wary about the calories that i will pile on my plate. the item i surely wont put on my plate is the lamb...can't stand lamb's funky after taste. the dolma's not too high on my list either...the leaves are a bit too sour/tart for me. i can ignore the potato salad. all the rest, i will probably eat. i will give an update on what i actually ate from the above selection.

lunch update: what i actually ate....1 cilicia, 1 spinach filo, 1 levant, 2 nuggets chick pom, humus w/pita bread. humus was soooo good

then there's dinner tonite. a banquet hosted by morris cerullo. the word 'banquet' alone brings images of endless tables of food. but more than the food that will fill my stomach, i will go tonight to fill the hunger in my spirit and listen to what this man of God has to say. God has blessed mr. cerullo's ministry abundantly and we are thankful and blessed that our church, Voice fo Victory, has been a part of the ministry.

i just finished exercising. a 1 mile walk, 10 minutes of weights, 25 minutes of prenatal yoga. feelin' pretty good. will shower soon to get ready for dinner.

it's weird how bloggers write the most insignificant things....i didn't think i'd write about what i ate for lunch, but i did. when you're bored and have nothing to do, you'll write about anything. and when you're bored and have nothing to do, you'll read about people's mundane thoughts.

i promise to write better things...intellectually stimulating, soul-winning and spirit-filled thoughts the next time around.

what's with thursdays?

what is it with thursdays that seem to blow my fuse?

the last several weeks, i felt it was the pregnancy hormones raging inside of me. it is/was usually on thursdays that i feel really sad and miss my husband so much that i just burst into tears. im beyond consolation when i become like this. there's really nothing anyone can do for me but allow me to cry and give me a hug.

today, another thursday, i woke up on the right side of the bed. i had enough sleep the night before and was feeling really relaxed. but today, it was many different voices that have turned my beautiful day to a very challenging one...

i came in to the office, within 30 minutes, i heard this voice...a voice so familiar it shouldn't even bother me anymore...i'll call this voice, "the voice from the left". the voice from the left just kept yaking and yaking (not to me directly, thank God!). 3/4 of what this voice says are nonsensical and over time i have learned to ignore the voice from the left (most of the time).

my phone rang, and two other voices were heared and these voices were coming 'from the east'. these voices are just as annoying as the voice from the left but since i hardly speak to the voices from the east (thanks to email), it was a little bit more bearable. these voices from the east have the habit of pointing out mistakes i've made and overlooking their mistakes. they make light of their errors and make a big deal out of mine no matter how small and insignificant.

there is a fourth voice, this fourth voice may very well come from the east as well... (too many annoying voices from the east) this fourth voice chooses to ignore emails no matter how urgent you make it seem. this voice wont even lift a finger and write a note to say that there is no issue on his end. this voice leaves it up to you to figure things out on your own and irritate you even more once you decide to make that dreaded phone call.

so ends the work day these voices conspired to challenge my day. i don't want to say they ruined it because i don't want to acknowledge that they have some kind of power over me. no they don't. ephesians 6:12 says, "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood..."

unbeknowst to me, i was up for another challenge when i got to kaiser permanente for my prenatal check up. i arrived at 3 pm...30 mins before my scheduled appointment. i did not see my doctor until almost 4 pm. an hour wait for a 2 min chat with my doctor. all she did was listen to the mj's heartbeat, and that was it. her nurse asked me if i had an hour to kill today and with sarcasm i hope i was able to hide, i asked why. she replied it was for glucose screening, that i had to drink this glucose drink before my blood sugar level can be measured. i wanted to say, 'don't you think it would have made better sense and use of my time if we got that out of the way before i waited an hour to see the doctor instead of asking me to wait another hour?" but of course i didn't say that and just said i had somewhere to be. i said that not only because i was annoyed but moreso because i was starving. so i left. i'll come back another day for my glucose screening when im not so annoyed and when i have an hour to kill.

ok enough complaints! God is still good! there are just days that our patience is tested.

note:
there's a job opening at merrill. long-term temp. pay is between $18 to $21/hour. so friends, if you're interested let me know. College degree is a must.