2 days away

my daughter is two days away from celebrating her 2nd birthday. i always gush when i write about her. of course, to me, she is the smartest, most beautiful girl in the whole wide world. nothing can compare to the love i feel her. to me, she is just, perfect!

but in the two years of being a mother, i still ask myself whether i am doing the best job i can. have i been relying too much on technology to help me take care of my daughter? in this modern world we live in, where standards of living are higher and wages can't seem to keep up with inflation, we don't have the luxury of having household help or even be a stay-at-home wife/mother. sadly, i am not like other mothers who have the time and patience to play with their children and read to them for hours on end. i told my husband shortly after my 3-month maternity leave that i don't think i can handle staying at home. my daughter would be so bored with me because i'm the type who just reads or watch tv. but i do make it a point to bond with her - i still play with her, i read to her every day, and i watch her pre-school tv shows with her so she's not just glued to the tv but i point things out to her and encourage dialogue between the two of us. you'll be surprised how extensive her vocabulary is at age 2. we sing, we dance, and play with her little piano. our favorite outdoor activity is blowing bubbles on beautiful sunny days and watching them being swiftly carried away by the wind. now that i'm writing all of these things down, i realize we do a lot of things together, and i don't feel so bad anymore. but still, it feels like my time with her is never enough, like i should be doing more but i'm not sure i know how.

michelle is the spitting image of her father but her behavior and mannerisms are exactly like mine. she loves to sing and dance as much as i do, loves to read, and unfortunately, has the same impatience as her mom's. she is taking an interest in cooking because she often sees me cooking up some buko pie in the kitchen. she would insist i give her something so she can 'luto-luto' like mommy. but michelle is everybody's girl. she's very friendly and outgoing and has a ready smile for anyone, especially at the one holding the camera. =) our neighbor, jordana, once said, 'your daughter is very lucky. i can tell she feels very secure. she knows that so many people love her.' jordana used to work as a social worker before she retired and so she's been around children who received less than they deserve. i am thankful that so many of my friends and family give her so much love and attention. as a result, michelle is not selosa. even if i play with or carry other children in my arms, she would just smile and ask if she could carry the baby, too.

each night before she sleeps, i tell her, 'michelle, pray muna tayo'. she puts her tiny hands together and waits for me to say a short prayer. it's almost always, 'dear jesus, thank you for this beautiful day. bless me, mommy and daddy, and lolo and lola. in jesus name..." she always says 'amen.' if there is one thing in this world that i want her to learn, it is to love the Lord with all her heart. michelle can be the most successful, the most intelligent, even the richest woman in the world later on in her life, but if she does not have the Lord in her heart and at the center of her life, part of me would feel as if i have failed as a mother. the Lord knows my husband and i cannot raise her on our own. so we pray for her, maybe not as often as we should, but when i do, i always feel tears welling up in my eyes. i am truly blessed to be her mother and the only way to show the Lord how grateful i am is to raise her in the way of the Lord.

so michelle, i know you are too young to read this and who knows if this blog will be around when you are able to read and understand everything, but i would like to say i love you with all my heart. you are the Lord's most precious gift to us, and your dad and i will love you forever. may you grow in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. and may you learn to acknowledge that He is your Lord and Savior and the only way to Life. you are blessed to be a blessing to others and you are created for a purpose. may the Lord show you His way and may you follow His way everyday. we love you so much, but the Lord loves you more than we ever could. happy birthday!